The Bake Off Tent Lyrics

2023 West End
The Great British Bake Off Musical - The Bake Off Tent Lyrics

The song is written by Pippa Cleary and Jake Brunger.

It was my Great Aunt Edna's suet
I was always forced to eat
No matter how much I would chew it
It still found a way to repeat
So one day I said to her, Auntie
Why don't I give you a break?
So I made my own pie
Only mine wasn't dry
And that's why I started to bake

There was this girl I met in Shoreditch
At an underground nudist rave
She lived in Camden Lock
And wore a smock
And had a parakeet called Dave
One day we made hash brownies
But ate the whole lot by mistake
Thanks to cannabis flour
We snogged for an hour
And that's why I learned to bake
(That's why I learned to bake)
And I knew what this meant
(An enormous event)
And that's what brought me
here to the Bake Off tent

Twelve thousand people applied
for this year's series
Doctors and nurses
Shop workers and shoplifters
Undertakers and underachievers
But only the very best bake their way to this year's
Legendary gingham altar
Aw Jim! Are we finally getting married?
Does this mean we have to kiss?
I think I'll stick to cakes

I've gone and worn my lucky t-shirt
'Cause I cannot go home first week
I couldn't keep down my breakfast this morning
And I didn't get any sleep
I've had a little bit of botox
'Cause we're filming in HD
(Me too, me three... and me!)

Now we're here, the famous tent
Standing proud to represent
From Cheltenham to Chichester
From Coventry to Kent
Get ready to man your bench in the bake off tent!

So, without further aga-due
Let's meet this year's contestants
Twenty one year old student Izzy is currently studying
History of Art at Cambridge University
She'll be swapping Van Gogh for gateau!
Did you know my baking style is best
Described as shabby-chic?
Got my inspiration on a juice retreat
In Mozambique
Mummy says I'm a pearl,
well she gave birth to me
But I'm really just a normal beautiful girl

Retired dinner lady Babs hails from
London's infamous East End
A dab hand with a wooden spoon
Babs enjoys baking for her seventeen grandchildren
Well I've been there, done that
Seen it all before!
I've had three husbands
Don't need any more!
I like to bake with gallons of liquor
It always leaves the neighbours wanting more!

Seventeen year old Hassan lives in Wembley
Where he's currently doing his
A Levels at sixth form college
A self taught baker,
Hassan likes to keep things real
I don't need no recipes,
I make it up myself
I just throw it in the bowl yeah,
Throw it in the bowl
I'm never phased,
I don't care about tuition
I'm Hassan, I follow intuition

Environmentalist,
Activist, and chauvinist
Sorry! Sociallist, Derek,
Better known as Dezza
Doesn't like to be tied down
He lives on a canal boat in... a canal
As a vegan,
I will not be cooking with butter
(No, no butter)
'Cause I strongly believe in the mantra
"Meat is murder!" (Murder)
I'm a laid-back activist so I'll add a flambed twist
To everything I do, so it's almond milk for you!

Now we're here, the famous tent
Standing proud to represent

Because our planets overpopulated
Animals are strangulated!

Shut up, Dezza!
Soz
I bet he's the first to go in the bake off tent

Aeronautical engineer, Russell
Lives with his husband Mario in Macclesfield (Ciao)
A man of measurements
Russell's planning on using his trusty tools
To stay on top in the tent
As a man of great precision,
I rely on graphs and charts
Geeky men on television always win the nation's hearts
Oh! My instagram's thequeenoftarts!

Policeman Ben lives just outside Bristol
When he's not keeping law and order
He likes to teach his nine year old daughter
Lily how to bake
I'm so glad to be on your show,
Lily says I'll kill it (Aw!)
People say I'm a baking pro,
So I'll try and win it
I'm using the recipes made by my wife

I'm bringing the flavours of Rome and Milan
Traditional methods I took from my gran
So people of Britain get ready,
I'm here for the crown
Italian fashionista,
Francesca's moved
From native Bologna... to Bognor

'Cause I hope that I'll win
I hope that I win
Don't care if I win
Like I'd ever win!
I'll definitely win!

'Cause now we're here,
The famous tent
Wait!
Weight?
That's a very personal question, Kim
No, there's someone missing! (Ah!)
Oh, hello, can we help you?
Er, yeah, hi, I'm Gemma?
Who?
Gemma.
You know, the backup contestant
Oh, the backup contestant!
Hello!
I'm sorry I'm late,
It's just I only got the call this morning
Not to worry Gemma,
We're so glad you could join us
But we are about to start,
So please take your place
And finally, Gemma, a
Carer
From
Blackpool

God, it's not like I imagined,
It's bigger than you think
There's lights and cameras everywhere
And everyone gets a sink
I can't believe they chose me
I'll be on channel four
My palms are getting sweaty
(Alright bakers, stand by!)
My legs are like spaghetti
(Aprons at the ready!)
But bring on that first signature
And see what lies in store!

So, now we're here (here!),
The famous tent
Standing proud to represent
We're ready for our close-up,
But shoot me from the left

It was my great aunt Edna's suet
I was always forced to eat
I just throw it in the bowl, yeah,
Throw it in the bowl
'Cause meat is murder
I'm so glad to be on your show

Sorry guys! Technical difficulties
We're gonna have to do it all again!
In the bake off tent
Biodegradable... Tent!

The Great British Bake Off Musical Lyrics

Prologue
The Bake Off Tent
The Arrival of the Judges
Obviously
Somewhere In The Dough
Slap It Like That
Bring on the Scone
Grow
The Handshake Song
My Dad
All the Way
The Perfect Petit Fours
Don't Send Me Home
Rise