Broadway (2002) Thoroughly Modern Millie the Musical - The Speed Test Lyrics
MR. GRAYDON Take a letter To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson’s Floor Wax. You will find an invoice in the file for the address. “Dear Mr. Hudson,” colon: MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN
TO MY AWFUL SITUATION SO I’M WRITING A LETTER
TO DEMAND AN EXPLANATION WHEN THE FLOOR WAX
THAT WE BOUGHT FROM YOU ARRIVED HERE
MONDAY MORNING WE DISCOVERED UPON USAGE THAT THE FUME
SHOULD HAVE A WARNING SINCE THE ONLY POSSIBILITY IS THAT
YOUR WAX IS RANCID I REQUEST A FULL REFUND OF ALL
THE MONEY WE ADVANCED AND UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE ME
YOU’VE IMPROVED THE FLOOR WAX BATTER WE WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE SO, I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER How’s my speed, Miss. Dillmount? MILLIE A little slow, perhaps. MR. GRAYDON Ah! ENCLOSED YOU’LL FIND A SMALL CONTAINER OF THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT JUST CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID
AND TAKE A WHIFF IF YOU’VE A DOUBT I’M SURE YOU WOULDN’T WANT ME TO ALERT
THE DAILY PAPERS WITH THE NEWS OF HOW OUR OFFICE
WAS AFFECTED BY YOUR VAPORS WHICH IS WHY I CHOOSE TO WRITE TO YOU A CONFIDENTIAL LETTER FULL OF STRONG RECOMMENDATION
THAT YOU MAKE YOUR FLOOR WAX BETTER I JUST HOPE IT WON’T REQUIRE US TO HAVE OUR FLOOR RELAID, AND IF IT DOES YOU MAY EXPECT A BILL SINCERELY, TREVOR GRAYDON Now, read that back to me, please. MILLIE Certainly. “Dear Mr. Hudson,” colon: MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN
TO MY AWFUL SITUATION SO I’M WRITING A LETTER TO DEMAND AN EXPLANATION WHEN THE FLOOR WAX
THAT WE BOUGHT FROM YOU ARRIVED HERE
MONDAY MORNING WE DISCOVERED UPON USAGE THAT THE FUME
SHOULD HAVE A WARNING SINCE THE ONLY POSSIBILITY IS THAT
YOUR WAX IS RANCID, I REQUEST A FULL REFUND OF ALL
THE MONEY WE ADVANCED MR. GRAYDON Nice. MILLIE AND UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE ME YOU’VE IMPROVED THE FLOOR WAX BATTER WE WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE SO, I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER MR. GRAYDON Not half bad. Continue please. MILLIE ENCLOSED YOU’LL FIND A SMALL CONTAINER OF THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT JUST CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID AND TAKE A WHIFF IF YOU’VE A DOUBT I’M SURE YOU WOULDN’T WANT ME TO ALERT THE DAILY PAPERS
WITH THE NEWS OF HOW OUR OFFICE WAS AFFECTED BY YOUR VAPORS WHICH IS WHY I CHOOSE TO WRITE YO YOU A CONFIDENTIAL LETTER
FULL OF STRONG RECOMMENDATION
THAT YOU MAKE YOUR FLOOR WAX BETTER I JUST HOPE IT WON’T REQUIRE US
TO HAVE OUR FLOOR RELAID, AND
IF IT DOES YOU MAY EXPECT A BILL
SINCERELY, TREVOR GRAYDON MR. GRAYDON Miss Dillmount, may I speak frankly? MILLIE Yes? MR. GRAYDON IF I COULD BE SO LUCKY AS TO HAVE A GOOD STENOGRAPHER TO KEEP THIS PLACE AS UP-TO-DATE AS HER SHORT SKIRT AND BOBBED CONFFURE I WOULDN’T HAVE TO WORRY ‘BOUT OUR
SOURED OFFICE PLANKING AND COULD CONCENTRATE ON GENERATING
PROFITS RIPE FOR BANKING THAT IS WHY I’M TESTING YOU WITH THIS OUTRAGEOUS CORRESPONDENCE WHICH I DON’T INTEND TO ACTUALLY MAIL
TO THE RESPONDENTS SO IT YOU CAN MAKE SENSE OF MY UNINTELLIGIBLE PATTER THEN THE JOB IS YOURS AND HUDSON’S FLOOR WAX REALLY DOESN’T MATTER MILLIE HUDSON’S FLOOR WAX DOESN’T MATTER?
MATTER, MATTER
MATTER, MATTER HUDSON’S FLOOR WAX DOESN’T MATTER? MATTER, MATTER MATTER, MATTER MR. GRAYDON [In unison] HUDSON’S FLOOR WAX
DOESN’T MATTER!
MATTER, MATTER MATTER, MATTER.
HUDSON’S FLOOR WAX DOESN’T MATTER! OFFICE WORKERS [In unison] HUDSON’S FLOOR WAX
DOESN’T MATTER!
MATTER, MATTER MATTER, MATTER MR. GRAYDON Now, I want that letter on my desk in two-minutes flat. Man your machine! Go! [Millie’s rapid fire typing/tapping dazzles the office workers.
She presents the finished letter to Mr. Graydon.] Time! “Dear Mr. Hudson,” MILLIE and OFFICE WORKERS Colon MR. GRAYDON MY EYES ARE FULLY OPEN TO MY AWFUL SITUATION SO I’M WRITING A LETTER TO DEMAND AN EXPLANATION WHEN THE FLOOR WAX THAT WE BOUGHT FROM YOU ARRIVED HERE MONDAY MORNING WE DISCOVERED UPON USAGE THAT THE FUME SHOULD HAVE A WARNING SINCE THE ONLY POSSIBILITY IS THAT YOUR WAX IS RANCID I REQUEST A FULL REFUND OF ALL THE MONEY WE ADVANCED AND UNLESS YOU CAN CONVINCE ME YOU’VE IMPROVED THE FLOOR WAX BATTER WE WILL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE SO, I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER MILLIE & OFFICE WORKERS SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER
SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER
SO I HOPE YOU SOLVE THIS MATTER!
MR. GRAYDON Going on. ENCLOSED YOU’LL FIND A SMALL CONTAINER OF THE STUFF I TALK ABOUT JUST CAREFULLY REMOVE THE LID AND
TAKE A WHIFF IF YOU’VE A DOUBT I’M SURE YOU WOULDN’T WANT ME TO ALERT THE DAILY PAPERS
WITH THE NEWS OF HOW OUR OFFICE WAS
AFFECTED BY YOUR VAPORS WHICH IS WHY I CHOOSE TO WRITE TO YOU A CONFIDENTIAL LETTER
FULL OF STRONG RECOMMENDATION THAT
YOU MAKE YOUR FLOOR WAX BETTER I JUST HOPE IT WON’T REQUIRE US
TO HAVE OUR FLOOR RELAID, AND IF IT DOES YOU MAY EXPECT A BILL SINCERELY, TREVOR GRAYDON YOU HAVE MADE THE TEAM, MISS DILLMOUNT! OFFICE WORKERS YOU HAVE MADE THE TEAM, MISS DILLMOUNT! MILLIE TELL ME WHERE MY DESK IT
WHERE WE EAT LUNCH HOW MUCH I’LL BE PAID AND
NICE TO MEET YOU I KNOW WE’LL BE FRIENDS
JUST CALL ME MILLIE GRAYDON MR. GRAYDON & OFFICE WORKERS MILLIE GRAYDON? MILLIE I mean Dillmount! MR. GRAYDON & OFFICE WORKERS MILLIE DILLMOUNT? MILLIE Someday Graydon!
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS GRAYDON? DILLMOUNT? DILLMOUNT?
GRAYDON? GRAYDON? DILLMOUNT? MILLIE Graydon! MILLIE, MR. GRAYDON & OFFICE WORKERS AAAAAAAAH!
[Thanks to Darci Faye for lyrics]
Read more: Thoroughly Modern Millie the Musical Lyrics The Speed Test Lyrics Thoroughly Modern Millie
Thoroughly Modern Millie the Musical Lyrics
SYNOPSIS Not for the Life of Me Thoroughly Modern Millie Not for the Life of Me (reprise) How the Other Half Lives The Speed Test They Don't Know What Do I Need with Love? Only in New York Jimmy Not for the Life of Me (reprise 2) Ah! Sweet Mystery of Life I Turned the Corner Muqin Long as I'm Here with You Gimme Gimme Finale Finale Bows
|