2006 Off-Broadway Gutenberg! the Musical - Prologue / Schlimmer Lyrics
The song is written by Scott Brown and Anthony King.
BUD: (spoken) Prologue
The lights rise on the squalid, Stinky bedroom of a friend of Gutenberg
DOUG: (spoken) The roof is made of dirty thatch! In the corner, there are rats Gnawing in stinky cheese And lying absolutely still in the center of the room... Without moving... Is a dead baby!
BUD: (spoken) Gutenberg’s friend and the doctor examine the dead baby
DOUG (as Doctor): (spoken) Well, we did all we could I’m afraid your baby... is dead
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): (spoken) But I gave him this medicine!
DOUG (as Doctor): (spoken) Them ain’t medicine Them’s jelly beans
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): (spoken) Jelly beans?! But...
DOUG (as Doctor): (spoken) If only you could read... See ya
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): Jelly beans, not medicine If only I could read; My son, he wouldn’t need... an elegy Stupid beans! Not medicine! Oh god, here in this jar... I can’t read what these are Damned jelly beans!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Hello friend Is there anything Johan Gutenberg can do?
BUD (as Gutenberg’s Friend): (spoken) Shut up!
DOUG: (spoken) Friend of Gutenberg sobs like a woman He cradles his dead baby in his illiterate arms
Blackout!
Act I, Scene 1 Schlimmer, Germany A German town, full of German things Like feet and short pants Gutenberg walks down the dark streets Of this medieval burg And encounters a woman And her daughter on their way to market They’re carryin’ kraut Sauerkraut!
BUD (as Woman 1): (spoken) Oh good morning, Mr. Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Gutenberg): (spoken) Call me Johan! Johan Gutenberg!
BUD (as Daughter): (spoken) Hello Mr. Butengerg!
DOUG (as Gutenberg): (spoken) It’s Gutenberg! How are you today, little girl?!
BUD (as Daughter): (spoken) As happy as I can be... Considering I can’t read
DOUG: (spoken) Another woman throws open Her shutters to greet the morning She dumps her stinky chamber pot And suddenly The town of Schlimmer is alive Not alive like a monster But alive like a town!
BUD (as Woman 1): It’s nice to live in Medieval Germany In the beautiful town of Schlimmer! We all get along in perfect harmony!
DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer): I’m a beef fat trimmer!
BUD (as Woman 1): Hey!
DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer): The beef comes in all white with fat It leaves a good bit slimmer
BOTH (as Drunk 1 & Drunk 2): We’re just drunks comin’ home from the bar In the beautiful town of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) Hey, Gutenberg, ya got any wine?!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) Yeah! You’re the wine presser! Tell us where the wine is!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) Is it over ‘ere?
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) It’s not over ‘ere!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Hey, hey fellas! My wine isn’t the answer to all your problems!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) Oh yes it is!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) It’s not like we can read!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) I can’t read!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) Gutenberg, let’s have some fun!
BOTH (as Drunk 1 & Drunk 2): Gutenberg! Darn tootin’-berg He’s the back chap around Well, at least in this town Sure as shootin’-berg
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Call me Johan!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) Oh, that Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Johan!
BUD (as Boot Plaque): Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Hey, it’s the boot plaque!
BUD (as Boot Plaque): Shine your boot-enberg!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Sure boot plaque!
BUD (as Boot Plaque): You’re a man in his prime Making friends all the time No refutin’-berg
(spoken) Ten ducats!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Hey hey hey!
BUD (as Boot Plaque): (spoken) Oh Gutenberg, ho ho ho!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Okay now fellas I gotta be gettin’ back to my wine press shop Don’t you guys have anything to do?
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) No!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) It’s not like we can read!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) You can’t read!
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) You can’t read!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) Well, wh- what are you going to...
DOUG (as Drunk 1): (spoken) Gah ah ah ah ah!
BUD (as Drunk 2): (spoken) Oh shut up!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (spoken) Oh, come on guys, Let’s not fight! Here, I’ll buy you a flower from that anti-semitic flower girl!
BUD (as Flower Girl): Here’s a posey you can wear on your lapel I stole it from a Jew He cried and he fought And I sent him straight to hell So now it belongs to you!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): Ooh, Schlimmer! My lovely Schlimmer! You are the best darn town in Germany!
BUD (as Boot Plaque): Gutenberg!
DOUG (as Beef Fat Trimmer): Gutenberg!
BUD (as Flower Girl): Gutenberg!
BOTH (as Drunk 1 and Drunk 2): Gutenbar-ar-ar-argh!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): I’m the pride of Schlimmer
BUD (as Boot Plaque): He’s the pride of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): (overlapping) I’m the cremé de la creméer
BOTH (as Johan Gutenberg & Flower Girl): He’s/I’m the pride of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): I’m the cremé de la creméer
BUD (as Drunk 2): (overlapping): He’s the pride of Schlimmer!
DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg): I am-
BOTH (as All): Gutenberg!
Review: Gutenberg! the Musical Lyrics
Gutenberg! the Musical Lyrics
PLOT Prologue/Schlimmer I Can't Read Haunted German Wood The Press Song I Can't Read (Reprise) Biscuits What's The Word? Stop The Press Tomorrow Is Tonight Second Prologue Words, Words, Words Monk With Me Might As Well (Go To Hell) Festival! Finale
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