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Twisted - No One Remembers Achmed Lyrics |
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2013 Chicago
Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier Musical - No One Remembers Achmed Lyrics
SOLDIERS: (Alternating)
In your homeland you're a legend
All the people know your name
On the battlefield and off you are superior
ACHMED (spoken):
I know. In the kingdom though I'm finding
that my only claim to fame
is an incident involving my posterior
SOLDIERS:
Posterior
ACHMED (spoken):
Please. I've won scores of bloody wars
And mopped the floors with my foes
But no one remembers Achmed
I've eviscerated peasants
From their heads down to their toes
But no one remembers Achmed
Say my name in these parts
And you'll get a vacant stare
Until you mention tigers
Or spotted underwear
SOLDIERS:
Spotted underwear
ACHMED:
So to restore my repute
As a fierce fearsome brute,
There's only one route I see
Arrange the slaughter of millions
Of innocent civilians
Then they'll remember me
(Dialogue)
SOLDIERS: (Alternating)
Caked in mud or drenched in blood
You smell as fresh as a flower
ACHMED (spoken):
I know.
SOLDIERS:
But no one remembers Achmed
You can pleasure sixty concubines
In only an hour
ACHMED (spoken):
Less!
SOLDIERS:
But no one remembers Achmed
ACHMED:
Back home I was a hero
Ladies trembled when I spoke
But here the women treat me
Like a throwaway joke
SOLDIERS:
Throw him away
ACHMED:
I'm a god on Earth but darnit
Even deities incarnate
Now and then can feel a little insecure
SOLDIERS:
Insecure
ACHMED:
All I want is some affection
This rejection's almost
Too much to endure...
SOLDIERS:
To endure
Look at all he must endure
(Dialogue)
SOLDIERS:
You ooze sex when you flex
Those impeccable pecs
ACHMED:
But the princess rejects me still
She may not love me yet
But I'm willing to bet
That once I kill all her people she will...
SOLDIERS:
Yes she will
Yes she absolutely will
ACHMED:
Let them laugh, that's just fine
But the last laugh will be mine
ALL:
'Cause they can't laugh when they're all dead
I'll make them all regret
The day they chose to forget
ACHMED (spoken):
What's that name everyone?
SOLDIERS:
Tiger-fucker!
ACHMED (spoken):
No! Like I said, what's that name?
SOLDIERS:
You're the cock of the walk
With abs as hard as a rock
Nevermore will they mock you Achmed
SOLDIER:
He fucked a tiger
ACHMED (spoken):
I did not fuck a tiger!
SOLDIERS:
They'll remember Achmed...
They'll remember Achmed...
They'll remember Achmed...
ACHMED:
They'll remember me...
SOLDIERS:
Tiger fucker
Tiger fucker
Achmed is a tiger fucker!
They'll remember Achmed
The tiger fucking man!
Other Songs: Twisted the Musical Lyrics
No One Remembers Achmed lyrics from Twisted the musical
Twisted the Musical Lyrics
SYNOPSIS
Dream a Little Harder
I Steal Everything
Everything and More
Sands of Time/ Golden Rule
Golden Rule (Reprise)
A Thousand and One Nights
If I Believed
Orphaned at 33
Happy Ending
No One Remembers Achmed
Take Off Your Clothes
Twisted
The Power in Me
A Thousand and One Nights (Reprise)
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